Unexpected

Earlier this week I received some news that really should have totally freaked me out.

But it didn't. At least not totally.

I think it is partly due to my personality and partly due to my testimony. Both of which I am grateful for right now.

This will be long but I mostly want it documented for myself.

For a few years now I have noticed heart palpitations. They haven't been anything major but started to pick up more frequently within the past few months. I also noticed that I had a hard time breathing at times. I would try to breathe deep and felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen. This was happening more frequently as well. It never really concerned me much though. I had been dancing fine and living life normally so there was no need to see a doctor.

Fez and I started playing volleyball with some people at my work and twice I felt dizzy and super light-headed. I thought I was going to pass out but it went away. A coworker suggested I see a doctor to get my iron and thyroid checked. I put it off for a while but then after another smaller light-headed spell I thought "Why not?". If they don't find out anything I won't be out anything.

I made the appointment, feeling silly telling my symptoms because they really weren't much, and went with an unexpected mind. In talking with my doctor she asked if I had headaches and/or fatigue. I told her I have had more headaches than I normally did, but nothing that major. I'd only taken meds once or twice for it. I had felt more tired then I usually do but I thought I needed better sleep and to be more active. She listened to my heart and could hear a little bit of a murmur, which is normal for me. She said that with these symptoms there are 4 things to consider: heart, neurological, red blood cell count, and I forget the 4th. She ruled out the one I forgot and neurological but wanted to do some tests on my blood and heart. I went to do the blood work (1st time I've ever given blood and it actually wasn't so bad...) and she sent me to a cardiologist for an echocardiogram which is like an ultrasound of the heart. 

I was able to get an appt for the echocardiogram the following day. I was the last patient of the day and they were running 45 minutes behind. The nurse wasn't very friendly and was just all business. I was trying not to feel bugged that she wasn't taking better care of me and understand it'd just been a long day. She asked me if I had been in a car accident or had any blunt trauma to my chest. I told her no. She asked if I had had a fever and I told her no. She kept looking at the monitor (so was I but had NO clue what I was looking at) and then asked me both questions 2 or 3 more times. I was really trying not to be bugged then.

The nurse said she would be back and when she returned she had a doctor with her. They started talking medical talk and I didn't understand any of it until he said "severe". I know what that word means... He then explained that my mitral valve was not working properly and in fact there was a piece (they slowed down the monitor to show me) by the valve that has become detached or something. It would just flap around when my heart would pump allowing blood to flow back into the chamber which means it's being circulated twice and the heart is working harder than it should. We finished up the echocardiogram (the nurse was being much nicer now) and I went to see the doctor.

He explained that I have mitral valve regurgitation and decided he wanted me to have a TEE (Transesophageal Echocardiogram) to get a better look at how severe it is. He said with mitral valve regurgitation it could be mild, moderate, or severe. If it's mild or moderate I will just come in every few months to get it checked and possibly take medications before dental work is done or for other things. If it is severe medications could be taken but most likely I'd have to have open heart surgery to repair or replace the valve. Because it is more of a structural problem medications won't fix it, but just would help with symptoms. He was very good to be informative of all possibilities but I could tell he was concerned about the severity of it and brought up some hospitals to look into. He gave me homework to look up mitral valve regurgitation and to start looking into hospitals that are good for this kind of surgery.

At this point he stopped and asked me how I was feeling. How was I feeling? I was just told I might have to have open heart surgery when yesterday I got my blood drawn for the 1st time! That's what I wanted to say. But I had been praying for a calm mind and heart and was blessed with both. I expressed that it was not the news I had expected but that now I knew there was a problem I wanted to do what was needed to fix it. I trusted his expertise and if this is what he found and how he wanted to proceed I was not going to question or fight it at this point.

I am scheduled for my TEE on Tuesday and will know then the best way to proceed. I am mentally preparing myself that it will be surgery but hoping I won't have to. But the more I've thought about it if surgery is needed I will come out better than before. Stronger physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I had a wonderful priesthood blessing by my husband the night I found out which gave me the peace I needed. Blessings were promised to me through this trial and I have leaned on that blessing when I find myself faltering in my optimism.

I am grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost to provide the peace we need. We have felt the love and support from family and friends and are humbled and overwhelmed by it. We are blessed to have the knowledge that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. This may not have been what I was planning for me but I can see points even within the past year that has led me here and prepared me for this. I have faith it will be the Lord's will as I continue to live it pleasing unto him.